Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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