Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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