We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
