Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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