Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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