Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!

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(972): View more from Texas

So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.

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(907): View more from Alaska

It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(662): View more from Mississippi

Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.

(901): View more from Tennessee

BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that

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(434): View more from Virginia

He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.

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(509): View more from Washington

I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?

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(510): View more from California

Found an old burrito under my bed

(415): View more from California

You are a sick fuck

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(+61): View more from Australia

I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already

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