Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
