Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
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it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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