ADVERTISEMENT

• (806): View more from Texas

  My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.

  Fav 18 1502 3949

  share tweet
  

• (909): View more from California

  so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes

  Fav 15 977 5506

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (207): View more from Maine

  life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.

  Fav 18 1239 3033

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!

  Fav 56 1559 9505

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (574): View more from Indiana

  there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.

  Fav 8 4699 1070

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is

  Fav 19 4783 1191

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.

  Fav 5 4388 1073

  share tweet
  

• (682): View more from Texas

  Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong

  Fav 4 2854 1302

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.

  Fav 4 2897 1087

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.

  Fav 4 1231 658

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.

  Fav 8 1115 1573

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee

  Fav 1 846 527

  share tweet
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Not be drunk

  Fav 1 869 473

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.

  Fav 7 1062 491

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (647): View more from Ontario

  HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION

  Fav 4 641 930

  share tweet
  

Randomize