I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask