i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk