Texts From Last Night

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  (210): View more from Texas

  I molested 6 butterflies tonight

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  (210): I molested 6 butterflies tonight http://tfl.nu/fk5z
  Replies (14) Good night (1487) Bad night (731)
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  (631): View more from New York

  So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone

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  (631): So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone http://tfl.nu/mgb2
  Replies (40) Good night (1016) Bad night (6739)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.

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  (252): i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too. http://tfl.nu/myt5
  Replies (55) Good night (6071) Bad night (786)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.

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  (989): I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance. http://tfl.nu/0t4j
  Replies (5) Good night (950) Bad night (3698)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?

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  (303): The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them? http://tfl.nu/7mcl
  Replies (3) Good night (698) Bad night (2367)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.

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  (970): I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl. http://tfl.nu/cu8p
  Replies (7) Good night (1834) Bad night (747)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.

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  (613): How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me. http://tfl.nu/pw4l
  Replies (8) Good night (1714) Bad night (546)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.

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  (502): I am way too attached to fictional lesbians. http://tfl.nu/axfm
  Replies (10) Good night (1155) Bad night (656)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to

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  (775): Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to http://tfl.nu/b8f3
  Replies (7) Good night (964) Bad night (411)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned

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  (210): He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned http://tfl.nu/rsut
  Replies (13) Good night (1757) Bad night (751)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.

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  (803): I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me. http://tfl.nu/en2s
  Replies (2) Good night (1281) Bad night (393)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.

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  (416): Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement. (416): NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada. http://tfl.nu/6stg
  Replies (6) Good night (1474) Bad night (316)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit

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  (309): trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit http://tfl.nu/sld4
  Replies (3) Good night (881) Bad night (349)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.

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  (845): I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk. http://tfl.nu/pg5c
  Replies (2) Good night (328) Bad night (936)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.

  (713): View more from Texas

  They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.

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  (713): He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings. (713): They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge. http://tfl.nu/nsnt
  Replies (2) Good night (847) Bad night (268)

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