I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.