Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.