i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...