Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already