i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
ugly people sure do ruin things
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit