i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
