I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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