everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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