hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize