I'm jealous of your bromance
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
