i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
