You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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