well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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