Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
