marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
