is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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