I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize