I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
