One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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