his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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