I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
