sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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