you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
