brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
