Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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