South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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