you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
