dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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