so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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