Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
