When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just cropdusted the office
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
