i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
