What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
