I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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