You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
