i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
