yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
