My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
