Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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