Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
