Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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