how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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