You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
