Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
