So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
