last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
