You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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