meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
