I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
