I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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