Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
