Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
