So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it because I queefed?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
