its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
