i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
