Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
