My brain says no but my pants say off.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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