this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
