Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
