Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
