She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
two words: eviction party
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
