I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
