I just saw a hot homeless man
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
