I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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