Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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