I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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