Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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